oh geez

Since nobody bothers to read my blog, I'm going to write somethhing somewhat personal. And if someone does happen to read this, then thanks for caring :)

So... I want to have a baby.

In the worst way I want to have a baby.

Like actually start my family.

But my body got all screwed when I had the depo shot and now I'm not ovulating.
It's a very real, very deep pain that I have from wanting a baby so badly.

Sometimes, late at night after Jed has fallen asleep, I sneak to the couch and cry. And sometimes I cry in Jed's arms. And sometimes when I'm in somewhere I can't outloud, like church or work, I cry deep down inside.

Jed and I are having a wonderful evening and it's a happy, lovey night and so I don't want to tell him and make tonight a sad night, but tonight I hurt for want of a baby.

Oh geez. Can't wait for the miracal to finally happen.

And now I'm going to go watch a movie and have a wonderful, lovey night with my Hubby.

- I love my husband and I do love our life... I'm just excited to add a little one in someday :)

Kickin' into high gear

Alright, I'm done sittin around, feelin bad for myself because of the weight I've gained, because we're having such a hard time getting pegnant and we can't afford to really do a lot about it, because I can't wear my jeans... I'm just done. I'm now a member of the local Anytime Fitness. I'm keeping an online foood journal that's connected to my workout plan which is all connected to the gym. I'm going to loose weight, tone up, and actually feel good about myself. I'm going to feel worth while again. But I am not going to post "before" and "after" pictures. No one should have to see that except my husband and I. But hopefully I'll post about how I'm doing and how I'm feeling overall. I'm excited to get started and see how far I go. Wish me luck. I'l need it :)